Part 2 of Forgiveness Introducing my Guest Blogger

A couple weeks ago we talked about Forgiveness. My guest blogger is Vivian.  I interviewed Vivian on the steps of forgiveness she’s taken.  Bringing Part 2 of Forgiveness

Vivian’s word of wisdom on Forgiveness. Vivian’s speaking from experience, while growing up she had to endure betrayal from people that supposed to love her.

Learning to forgive and let go of the past. The past doesn’t mean last year, it could be last week, or even yesterday.

Step 1
Give your life to Jesus Christ and have Relationship with God
The first thing, realize the Love of God. John 3:16
The first fruit of the Spirit is Love
Manifest that Love, and walk in the fruit of the Spirit.
First Fruit is the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Long-Suffering, Goodness, Kindness, Faithfulness, Meekness and Self-Control.

Step 2
Read Psalms 23 Daily That I may see God face in the scriptures

Step 3
Believe

Step 4

If you never forgive, how can you go or move forward?

Think of this: “If you say I forgive you butI will never forget.” Then if you are always bring it up then you’re still in bondage to it. Meaning you haven’t forgiven.

When you truly forgive…
True forgiven comes through the Grace of God because God takes the hurt and pain out of it. God gives you his Beauty for our ashes.

Quote
I can forgive but It can’t forget, its only another way of saying I will not forgive. A Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the person.
Henry Ward Beecher

Warning Signs ~ Teen Domestic Violence

Warning for parents and teen about domestic violence in Teens

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat

2.  Threatening to help you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him

10.  Blaming you

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure

12.  Physically hitting

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning sign please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police

Be safe,

Denise

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

Thank you for visiting and come again. Please leave messages or comment below.

 

 

The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse including Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers but men can also be abused. In children when they witness the abuse. For anyone experiencing domestic violence, the effects is trauma. Emotional abuse is so much more harder to heal from physical abuse.

And the process for recovery is long and hard. You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with a trusted family member, friend or counselor. And God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It can and will affect you mentally and physically. Know to people are the same and things don’t affect you in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed because you don’t want to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Even your behavior change at work or school. You begin to lose trust in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess, he did love me, but had a problem. And he abused me for many, many years. I stayed because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I could be enough. Now, I lived to help others by sharing my story.

So why, is it not recognized or overlooked, especially if it’s emotional abuse vs physical abuse, as a serious crime. I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse is equally bad. And these problems should be addressed. Most cases is men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight.

It kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: Abuse – he feel guilty, make excuses – then the fantasy, you get the flower, candy, sweet takes and making love – then the setup, – the abuse come again.

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner to dominate and control them. It’s also more ways to abuse the other, like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize, decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself and its people and agencies out there to help. If you decide to get an order of protection.  Go to your local courthouse and it’s free for domestic violence cases. You have to file out the paperwork and be very detailed and honest.  It’s also clerks in place to answer any questions.  After You turn in your form, a judge will look over your form and may need to speak with you.  At that time you will be granted temporary order and you will get four copies.  One for you,   the police department, the courts and your abuser will be served.  So if you have a picture of him and describe him to make it easier to be served.  You will have a court date and at that time you will get a permanent Oder of protection.  Be safe. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

God bless,

Denise

Please leave any question or comments.

Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

We love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay attuned with our children.  Be aware what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping and praying your abuser will change?  It good to pray for me and others.  But they have to let God change them.  The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.  Please keep in private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare. Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change, not overnight.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

Thanks for reading and leave comment.

Thankful ~ Appreciate Life

Hi Everyone,  life is so precious.  Time is one thing we can never get back.  So let’s appreciate US now.  You deserve it.

I am thankful for each day

No pains, no longer to pass down to my wonderful children.

All Children are blessings from God, just like the air we breathe.

I am thankful for all the people that God put in my life.  You know me, I am thankful.

No one is perfect, but always look for the good.

No one is great on their own, so appreciate and always give love, kindness and thanks.

The one that can give without any benefits, notices or rewards from others, that’s so special all on it’s own. That’s Real.

Thankful, I am

by Denise M Hardnett

     Hundreds of girls and women die each day around the world by the hands of the person that said, I love you.  Many of us  have known someone personally that died.   And its more still living with their abusers. Growing up I seen domestic violence and abuse, by the time I was a  teen, I was deeply affected.

      I said, “I would never get or marry a man, like my father.”  But I did.  I stayed because I seen my mother stay.  I stayed because I am a Christian, and I wanted to help my husband.  Neither of us, believed in divorce.  I believed he wanted to change, at the time.   I thought it was the drugs and alcohol that made him violent.  So I would beg him to stop.  He never did.

     Many years later, I found out that domestic violence is a choice.  He choose to hit, choke, stalk  and threaten me.  I made the choice to stay with him, the father of my children and live in fear.

     I am thankful to be free from domestic violence and abuse.   I am thankful for all my sisters, and the others that made it possible for me and my children to be alive today.

        If you are reading this and you need help, please go to a safe place.  Start planning your escape without letting him know about it.  Plan and there are safety plans.  Your abuser is not going to change, unless he want to.  And please don’t tell him you are leaving.  That’s the most dangerous time to be with your abuser.  Domestic violence is a way of control and/or to maintain control over us.

       Domestic violence is the highest rate from 16 years to 24 years.  It’s very important to teach our daughters and sons about healthy safe relationships. Its my goal to educate young girls, teens and women about domestic violence.   I tell my own daughters and son that they are beautiful and they can be or do whatever they set their minds too.  You don’t have to use violence to get your way.  The sky is the limit.  My goal is to show girls  they are worthy of a nice man treating them with respect. I am so thankful and I can share with the world about domestic violence because together we can end domestic violence.

     My book “Love Doesn’t have to Hurt”  Inspirational guide for women in domestic violence.  Release date 2018.

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Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

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Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.

Happy New Year!

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Happy New Year Survivors!

It’s our time for new beginning 2017 is ours.  We have to decide  we are going to live or die.  We can’t continue let our abuser kill us mentally and physically. I choose LIFE.

Life is being our best self. Love Us.  If we make a mistake, let’s use  it as a learning experience and not continue to feel bad about it.

Now is the time to write that book, you always dreamed of writing.

Now is the time to visit or call that family member.

Now is the time for forgiveness and healing.

Now is the time to take that trip and take thousands of pictures.

Now is the time to complete that projects.

Do all the things you loved to do.  Life is too short, too precious to not treat each day as it is your last.

I love you, and I value you.

Happy New Year to New Beginning.

Please share, comment and pass on to someone that you care about.

Best,

ps.  Let me know how you feel about my logo

Rebuilding after Domestic Violence and Emotional Abuse

Ladies,

When was the last time you did something for you?  What makes you happy?  What brings you joy?  Read a good book?  Had a facial? If you can’t answer, then it’s time you start. Pamper You.

You are so beautiful, loving and kind.  You spend so much of your time focusing on others.  Yes, they appreciate it.  And you feel good also. I know it’s hard rebuilding yourself after an abusive relationship. The journey is long but we are worth it.

Everyday we should thank God, eat a balanced meal, exercise, drink plenty of water and pray.

It’s also nice to have some me time.  If you love and appreciate your self.  Spend time with you, then you can carry so much more love over to others.  Joy and happiness comes from you and no one else.  Your family, friends and others may affect your mood sometimes.

Others love to be around people that are likable.

1.  Think about what you love about yourself?

2.  What makes you happy?

3.  What brings you joy?

4.  Instead of focusing on celebrating once you get that new job, or make your next million.  Have fun now.  Celebrate each day that God gave you breath.