Healing

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The importance of healing.  When we forgive ourselves and / or the person that hurt us. It’s for us.  We need forgiveness for healing. You asked,”how do you know, if you need healing?”

You are always mad, angry or unpleasant.  When you hurt, it makes you sad, then it turns to anger.  After a while it builds into depression.

The wrong time to make life decisions is when you are hurt or angry.
A lot of times, when we are hurt, we can’t hear from God or trusted family and friends.

Its because we lost our faith and refuse to trust anyone.

If you want to feel better and be your best self.  Forgive and start your healing process.  Trust God! Renew your mind, body and soul. Remember you deserve it. Healing. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt!

Thanks for visiting and reading.  Please leave a comment and like.

Come again.

 

Best,

Denise

Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt

Self-Worth

close up photo of a woman

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Listen…no judgement. I’m writing from experience. Life has taught me to love my self. If I don’t love me, or value me. No one else will treat me better than I treat myself. Make time for you each day.  No phones, computers or interruptions.  Quiet space and focus on you.

I’m a child of the most high, so I must stand on that truth!

It all starts with me. Taking the best care I can of me.  If that means pray, affirmations, exercise, eat a balance meal, and practice breathing techniques. Do it.  I promise you-you will not be disappointed.

When you are at your  best self. No one can put you down by telling lies to lower your self worth.  That’s what abuser do. Tell lies to make you think you are crazy.  You have to change the very thing, that makes you special.

Our creator made us unique and special, one two are alike.  Are we perfect? No. No one is.  But, that’s okay.

When I love someone, I love all of them, flaws too.  Is it wrong to want the same thing? No!

Love you and wait patiently until the right one comes along.

Be blessed,

Denise

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The Effects of Domestic Violence and Abuse on the family including Order of Protection Process

Domestic violence is very serious, it can affect men, women and children. Usually men are the abusers, but men can also be abused. When children  witness domestic violence, that’s trauma. Children are at greater risk of emotional, behavior, sexual abuse and learning problems.

You can recover, but it will take hard work on your part. And you are going to have to want it. You should talk with God,  a trusted family member, friend or counselor.  God is the true healer. So please don’t leave Him out of your recovery.

It  will affect you mentally and physically. We’re not the same and things don’t affect everyone in the same way. When you are experiencing or living with domestic violence you don’t feel safe or secure most of the time, and it causes you to have trouble sleeping and dealing with life. Some days you don’t want to get out of bed to face the day. You start isolating yourself from family and friends. Your behavior change at work or school. You begin to lose trust and faith in people. It causes you to feel helpless and hopeless because of the shame and guilt. But it is not your fault. It’s your abuser that has the problem and needs help. But they have to want to change.

I know, because I witnessed domestic violence as a child growing up, then I married a man, that I though loved me. Then again, I guess, he did love me, but had a problem. And he abused me for many, many years. I stayed because I didn’t know any better at first, then over time, I thought I could change him. I could be enough. Now, I lived to help others by sharing my story.

So why, is it not recognized or overlooked, especially if it’s emotional abuse vs physical abuse, as a serious crime. I believe physical, emotional and sexual abuse is equally bad. And these problems should be addressed. Most cases is men hitting, punching, threatening and emotionally abusing women. But men can get abused too. It also affects children growing up seeing and hearing their parents fight.

It kills your spirit, causes depression and low self-esteem.

The Cycle of Abuse goes in a circle like this: Abuse – he feel guilty, make excuses – then the fantasy, you get the flower, candy, sweet takes and making love – then the setup, – the abuse come again.

Verbal, physical and emotional abuse done to your spouse or partner to dominate and control them. It’s also more ways to abuse the other, like financial abuse, spiritual abuse, abusing a pet and sexual abuse.

Abuse

Guilt

Excuses

Normal behavior

Fantasy

Setup

The first step is recognizing the abuse. Once you realize, decide if you are going to leave or stay in the relationship. Please protect yourself and its people and agencies out there to help. If you decide to get an order of protection.  Go to your local courthouse and it’s free for domestic violence cases. You have to file out the paperwork and be very detailed and honest.  It’s also clerks in place to answer any questions.  After You turn in your form, a judge will look over your form and may need to speak with you.  At that time you will be granted temporary order and you will get four copies.  One for you,   the police department, the courts and your abuser will be served.  So if you have a picture of him and describe him to make it easier to be served.  You will have a court date and at that time you will get a permanent Oder of protection.  Be safe. Love Doesn’t Have to Hurt.

God bless,

Denise

Please leave any question or comments.

Warning Signs ~ Teen Domestic Violence

Teens

February is teen dating violence awareness month

April is sexual assault awareness month

Statistics from loveisrespect.org

  • Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
  • One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
  • One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
  • One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.
  • Approximately 70% of college students say they have been sexually coerced.

A warning means act now or get out before the exploration

1.  If you are called bad words, verbally abusing or names over the phone/text or chat

2.  Threatening to help you or self if you don’t do what they ask you to do

3.  Minimizing your feeling or thoughts, like what you say don’t matter

4.  Coercing you into sending sexual pictures, which is a crime

5.  Demanding your phone and password, or on your social media sites

6.  Threatening to post humiliating information about you or lying on you

7.  Keeping you away from family or friends.

8.  Checking up on you or following you

9.  Getting angry if you can’t spend time with him

10.  Blaming you

11.  Extremely jealous, moody or insecure

12.  Physically hitting

13. Explosive temper

14. You are afraid to disagree with your boyfriend or girlfriend because what they might do.

These are some of the warning signs, please tell your parents, a trusted friend and police

Be safe,

Denise

Part 2 of Forgiveness Introducing my Guest Blogger

A couple weeks ago we talked about Forgiveness. My guest blogger is Vivian.  I interviewed Vivian on the steps of forgiveness she’s taken.  Bringing Part 2 of Forgiveness

Vivian’s word of wisdom on Forgiveness. Vivian’s speaking from experience, while growing up she had to endure betrayal from people that supposed to love her.

Learning to forgive and let go of the past. The past doesn’t mean last year, it could be last week, or even yesterday.

Step 1
Give your life to Jesus Christ and have Relationship with God
The first thing, realize the Love of God. John 3:16
The first fruit of the Spirit is Love
Manifest that Love, and walk in the fruit of the Spirit.
First Fruit is the Spirit is Love, Joy, Peace, Long-Suffering, Goodness, Kindness, Faithfulness, Meekness and Self-Control.

Step 2
Read Psalms 23 Daily That I may see God face in the scriptures

Step 3
Believe

Step 4

If you never forgive, how can you go or move forward?

Think of this: “If you say I forgive you butI will never forget.” Then if you are always bring it up then you’re still in bondage to it. Meaning you haven’t forgiven.

When you truly forgive…
True forgiven comes through the Grace of God because God takes the hurt and pain out of it. God gives you his Beauty for our ashes.

Quote
I can forgive but It can’t forget, its only another way of saying I will not forgive. A Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note, torn in two and burned up, so that it can never be shown against the person.
Henry Ward Beecher

Please leave comments and share my blog with others.

 

Best,

Denise

Forgiveness

“Can you do anything Right?” I just stood not moving, knowing I was doing my best.  God taught me to love with a pure heart. It’s hard to forgive the person that you trusted with your heart, love and life that was supposed to love you the most. The betrayal. That person abused you for years.  The one person that you thought loved you, but they’re putting you down.  Telling you that you can’t do anything right. Called you out your name, and blamed you for their faults and mistakes.

When your spouse is hurting you they’re hurting themselves, because you are apart of them.  But you must forgive.  We can do it, with hard work and determination. Forgiveness is for you.

The Process…Think about it?

We must find the love, the courage to forgive them. When you forgive them, only to free yourself. When you forgive them it is not only pleasing to God but it will be pleasing to you as well.  We must live our life to do good and that same goodness will one day come back to us.  Don’t worry it will find you.

It’s also wise to forgive when you have children together. Children love unconditional, with that being said your children will love the abuser anyway.  Please never talk bad about the other person.  Your children will find out in other ways.

What happens…..When you forgive:
1. You free yourself
2. You don’t feel anger or hate when someone bring up their name.
3. The thought of them, don’t mess you up inside.

4.Effect your day.
5. When you can stand to face them and be great.
6. Hear their voice.

7.  You feel love and then you want to continue to share that love.

8.  You tell others, so they can be feel to love too.  After all, sharing is caring!

Victory
You must forgive everyone that hurt you. When you’re able to forgive, that’s when you’re healing process begins. Once your start you’re healing process, yes, it will hurt at first. Each day will get better and better. Then you will grow and discover the love and beauty within you. Like a beautiful butterfly, blossoming flower, or praise dancing or Like a boy becoming a man.  I telling you this process because I lived with my abuser so many years and I have forgiven him and myself.  Forgiveness is so beautiful and its a gift you give yourself.  Forgiveness is Victory

Define what is forgiveness? Forgive, forgiveness is to give up resentment of or claim to requital for an insult. Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Please read what the Bible say about Forgiveness in a Biblical article.

Forgiveness is letting go of hurt and pain.

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Leave comments.

I am a Girl

forgiveness

  Never forget who you are, who you belong to, what you want to do or want to be.

 And everything that God made is Worthy. Beautiful. Unique. Special.  It doesn’t matter that we are not perfect.  No one is. Never forget that.

 Remember all the things that made you laugh, the funny jokes and stories you shared.  All the secrets you held fr0m your friends that made the bond stronger.  The ups and downs of life’s discovery.

  In the world around us where we see good and evil.  If you ever experienced domestic violence or emotional abuse. It’s not your fault.  You can break the cycle of abuse only when you are ready to let go, forgive and to heal.  No matter what people say or do, always stay true to you.

Never forget who you are, who you belongs to, what you want to do or want to be.

I am a Girl.

 

 

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Deciding to Leave Your Abuser

Deciding to leave your abuser.  If you are hoping, and praying your abuser will change?

It good to pray.  They have to let God change them.  You can’t change them.  Real change comes from the person. The abuse will happen again, if they don’t seek counseling from a domestic violence counselor.  Create a support system of trusted family and friends.  There is also agencies in your area.

Things to do.  Please keep  private from your abuser.  Keep a journal to document the abuse.  Collect important papers and clothing in a safe place.  Extra set of keys.  Notify your job, school or daycare.

Abusers have deep rooted emotional and probably psychological problems.  It takes time to change.    The hardest part is leaving and you worry about what will happen once you leave.  Love Doesn’t have to Hurt.

Signs that your abuser is not changing:

1. He minimizes that abuse

2. He tells you if you wouldn’t have done this or that then it wouldn’t happen

3. You have to push them to seek counseling

4.  If you leave, they will commit suicide or kill you.

5.  He pressures you

6. Know your abuser

7. Be safe by making up a code to use in a time of emergency

8.  Identify safe places in the home

9. Make an escape plan

Be safe and seek help

All the best,

Denise

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Tips to help prevent child sexual abuse

We love our children and need to keep them safe.  It’s our responsibility as parents or guardians to protect them.  Taking responsibility is the first step.

  1.  We are busy with our jobs and life, but we must stay attuned with our children.  Be aware what they watch on television, computer use and other technology.
  2. Set up boundaries.  Family boundaries to teach respect for yourself and other family members.  If you respect you, you can also respect others.
  3. Teach it’s okay to say “No”. I respect your privacy.
  4. Talk about the things that are bothering you.
  5. Speak up if you see or hear inappropriate behavior.
  6. It’s okay to report anything you think is sexual abuse against anyone.
  7. Tell your children the proper name for their body parts.
  8. Teach your children about good touches, bad touches, sexual touches and what’s not okay.
  9. Teach your children about good secrets and bad secrets.
  10. Let your children know if anybody tell them,”they will hurt your parents or they will not believe you.  Don’t believe them.”  As your parent or guardian I will always believe you and you will not be in trouble.

Thank you for taking your time to read and comment on my article.  Also share with others.

Denise

Children living in home with Domestic Abuse

kids_DV

Domestic violence is a pattern of behavior used to gain power and control over another person.  Statistics states 1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime.  With that being said, think about how many children that’s experiencing domestic violence in the home.

Children living in a home with domestic abuse is more times likely to be depressed, have anxiety and afraid.  They also suffer abuse and neglect 30% to 60%.  More than 3 million children witness domestic violence in their homes every year.   And the third leading cause of homelessness among families.

Domestic violence is not just a family thing but it’s a community thing.  It cost more than $37 billion a year in law enforcement involvement, legal work and medical treatment.  This is what I mean- Parents we are responsible for our children.  Take our babies to church and learn the ways of Jesus Christ.  When our babies grow up with good manners and morals and love God.  When you love God, you will love yourself and you will choose good.  It might not work this way for everybody but it’s better than doing nothing.

When you are broken mentally and physically you are vulnerable.  It’s easier for you to live with domestic violence and abuse.  Please think of your children.  If you are living with domestic violence get help.  It is time to save you and your children.  God loves you and you deserve the best.

Signs of Physical Abuse on Children

1. Bruise, burns, cuts, broken bones, scars

2. Acting out at home and school.

3. Shy away

4. Sudden jumping, flinches thinking you are going to get hit.

Signs of Emotional Abuse on Children

1. Attitude and mood changes.

2.Bedwetting and developmental delays

3. Doesn’t bond with abusive parent

4. Withdrawn

5. Passive behavior

6. Rocking or thumbsucking.

Signs of Sexual Abuse on Children

1. Sexually touching other children.

2.Depression.

3. Afraid to be alone.

4. Pain, itching and bleeding from private parts.

5. It’s hurts to walk or sit.

6. Suicide

Practice safety plan and teach your children word that you would say when you need help from your abuser.

Be safe,

Denise

Leave any comments or questions.